The Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Me as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider failure to open up between men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."