Boatyard Review – Sleazy Cannibal Terror Preys On Affluent Kids on a Yacht Ride to Massacre
Certain scary movies explore underlying fears, and other entries employ horror to examine cultural problems. And then we have those that aim purely to excite or evoke chuckles. And then arrives absurd, brutal rubbish like this: a shoestring imitation of cannibal slasher property The Hills Have Eyes, its lousy sequels and suchlike.
It also includes a performer from the classic 1977 Hills’ cast: this performer takes on the role of Martha, a blowsy barmaid with a taste for human meat. Yet that franchise at least craft a certain origin tale to explain the violence; The protagonist and her seedy associates’ preferences are taken for granted, as though encountering cannibals is merely one of the hazards of life on the water, similar to sharks or equipment failure.
The Lambs for this Massacre
The targets to this slaughter are a quintet of predominantly naive young people in their 20s, who meet up for a good time on the vessel of rich boy the host (Zachary Roosa). Among them are this character’s always swimsuit-wearing companion a character (the actress), male friend a character (this cast member), and lesbian couple Brandy (the actress) and Jess (Caitlin Rose).
Large amounts of cocaine are used, gallons of alcohol imbibed and intimate moments initiated as precursors to the movie’s actual intention of fun: putting the youths at the mercy of the marked boatyard cannibals, who lead them to the shore after the boat loses fuel on the water.
A Pointless Exercise
Finally, this fails to be even close to bloody compared to that franchise during their most intense moments, yet there is an element considerably more discouraging about this film’s pointlessness, its lack of cleverness, compassion, or fundamental film-making skill. The portrayals achieves such a precisely calibrated level of atrociousness it’s challenging to endure.
