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Encountering rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is saying no, giving a firm “Nope.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles five decades ago, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had two novels turned down, along with book ideas and countless pieces. Over the past score of years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I face a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 times a year. Overall, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: At this point, almost each individual and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I submit my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe they rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at them, followed by anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably mixed with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Stories of writers whose manuscripts was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I reached the last step of setback. Peace. Currently, I better understand the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an editor may have already featured a like work, or have one in progress, or just be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my work too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are forever beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was annoying.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a memoir, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have been published in newspapers major and minor, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more easily take no at 73, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but only if you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what lessons have I learned?

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